you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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