I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
