Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
