i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
