I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
