U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
