I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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