Where did you get a picture of my penis
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
