I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
