im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
