There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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