And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
