I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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