It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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