i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
