no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
