Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
