just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
