Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
