i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
