ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
