I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
