Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
