I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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