did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
