I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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