8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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