Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
