everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
