Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
