You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
