just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm always down for nudity.
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