I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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