I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
