Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
