Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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