I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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