i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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