we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
