I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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