so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
