I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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