I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
