i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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