I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
