Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
