My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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