I faked an abortion last night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
