You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
