hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
