I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
